...Just Call Me Katy

Ya Know Those Idiots That Go To Movies At Midnite Openings? I'm Officially WORSE

2009-11-23T09:36:00.000-08:00

3am?? 3am. Yes, Kiki & I went to see New Moon at 3am, along with hundreds of other people I might add. Was it worth it, at 3 in the morning when I could have been home suggled in my bed? Yes it was. I know it's supposed to be the weakest of the series and I still loved it. Jacob who? It's all still about Edward.

Bri's Lovenotes

2009-11-23T09:31:00.001-08:00

Peek-A-Boo

2009-11-23T08:59:00.000-08:00

Yep. I am still here. Thanks for the emails asking if I have a pulse. I've just been busy. Doing what? Not quite sure but my days seem to overlap & run together anymore. There's the mountain of things that I intend to do but never get to and writing here seems to be one of those things. I can tell you that I survived the first grade bug hunt even when one of the kids in my group caught a centipede that was massive, then dropped the container a little to close to my foot and the lid flew off.

Another mom caught the bug & put the lid back on because, I was NOT touching it. Hell no. I agreed to chaperone, touching actual bugs even if it was a bug hunt was NOT what I signed on for!

Love these kids.

From there we cruised thru Halloween. School Monster March thru the neighborhood, etc.

Miss B & her BFF's (Olivia, Brianna & Molly)

Emmy decided to be a dark bride and had Kiki completely take apart a fugly bride costume and rebuild it to spec. If you think I'm kidding, think again. Em is VERY particular when it comes to "my fashion".

Personalities on display. The goofball. The angel. The quiet one.

Busy. They are keeping me very busy these days.

Modern Mom

2009-10-17T05:15:00.000-07:00

Hey guys. I will now also be a blog contributor over at Modern Mom. Great site, you need to check it out. Here's my link.

The Angel of (FLU) Death Seems To Have Left

2009-10-16T05:16:00.001-07:00

Mere hours after my last post a stomach virus invaded my house. Well no wait, first it invaded my boyfrieds car as we drove on the highway with my ten year old vomiting out the window. The image of that is much better than the reality. She spent all of Tuesday flat out. Much of the flat out was on my bathroom floor. Having three kids I know that when one gets sick, the other two will likely follow. And so it goes, as one recovered another got sick. I went to check on Emmy & B before going to bed Weds. night only to find them sleeping- sounds good right? Until I looked closer and realized Emmy had thrown up ON B.

Lysol. Prayer. Laundry. Repeat.

Yesterday afternoon was finally my turn. I had the stabbing (no really, I felt like I was seriously being STABBED) pain for a good 12 hours before getting sick. Sitting up equaled vomit so I was flat out on the couch buried beneath two kids and two cats. In my house if I'm sick my girls sweep into mini-caretaker mode. I'm covered in back rubs, hand holding and little bodies curled up beside me asking if I need anything.

This morning everyone is a bit better and I can honestly say this is the worst virus I've ever had. My girls are home today. B is perky but hasn't eaten more than crackers in three days. Emmy is STILL asleep, exhausted from being sick. It's going to take the weekend to regroup here.

It's Starting Already!

2009-10-13T06:25:00.000-07:00

Generally, I have a pretty healthy family. Rarely get the flu. We usually are okay until January. I get walking pneumonia, my girls get bronchitis. Last year we all had a form of Strep instead. I figure, we live in the northeastern part of the country, it is COLD here in winter, of course we get sick. Walk outside and take one big gulp of cold air and if you're really unlucky and it goes straight to your lungs BAM! Pneumonia almost overnite! I know because I have DONE it.

School has been back in session for about six weeks and when I say everyone I do mean everyone has some variation of sickness. I have been commenting for the past two week on how empty the playground has been in the morning. When my daughter goes to lineup with her class and the line consists of ten kids rather than nineteen- it's bad. When quizes are postponed because too many kids are out sick to give a quiz- it's bad.

The thing is, the kids that are there, most of them are teetering, mine included. A mild sore throat, a cough, congestion galore. No one is really full-blown healthy! A neighboring school district shut down completely at the end of last week because 30% of its' students were out sick. Over 850 kids! Flu shots are just becoming available here. Usually families get them BEFORE there is a hint of sickness. The school district has sent home letters directing parents on new protocol. Kids MUST be home for 24 hours after a fever has broken. A bout with the flu equals at least 3 days off, if not five. I wonder how this will affect truancy issues here. Normally 6 or 7 days absent without a doctors excuse and you risk a letter threatening to drag you to the magistrate for truancy. That general rule, I would think, would have to be revised.

I've been told that our entire school distric was approved for the Swine Flu vaccine. I'm not sure how if they intend to make it mandatory or even if they should. I know many parents are equally divided on the issue. Many moms that I've talked too are going above and beyond to keep their kids healthy and to them it means any and all vaccines will be administered. Others are extremely worried about sickness, but equally concerned about a vaccine that has been rushed into existence.

I would love feedback on this. Are you experiencing a similar increase in sick kids in your area? Where do you stand on the Swine Flu vaccine? It's my opinion that everyone is entitled to do what they believe is in the best interest of their child, but I love fielding opinions and being challenged to thing about things differently.

Best. Site. Ever?

2009-10-12T05:51:00.000-07:00

www.peopleofwalmart.com

Bug-ology

2009-09-27T10:37:00.000-07:00

So the new school year is off to a flying start. My oldest is doing okay. My seven year old seems to have retained every bit of everything she learned last year and is spitting it out into this years work with ease. My little one, Miss B. started first grade this year. She is now being introduced to all day schedules, vocabulary words, spelling tests and reading out loud on a daily basis. In other words, the tough stuff! REAL school! I requested to be a homeroom mother for Miss B's class. I thought it would help her with the big changes and I really wanted to do something extra for her. Last year was filled with struggle for her sisters. One struggled with school while the other battled a six month illness that disrupted out lives on a daily basis. Both of these situations required extra attention and all the while, Miss B was thriving. I figure fair is fair, now it's her turn for something extra.

So I waited. Crossed fingers. Wondered who I'd have to bribe or knock off to get a coveted homeroom mother spot. I WANT to be in that classroom. I WANT to positively influence these kids. That should count for something and ultimately, it did. I nabbed a spot. I attended Back To School night and signed up for what is known as Friday Families- or something like that. In a nutshell, a different parent comes into the classroom on the first Friday of each month to do something. An art project, storytime, whatever. Entertain them, bring a snack and your a godess. I signed up for February. Why February? My girls love Valentine's Day so I knew Miss B would want me there to do something special for that holiday.

A few days after Back to school Night I asked Miss B's teacher if she wanted me to come in sooner. I realized not many appeared to be signing up so I figured I could help out before February, right?! As luck would have it she does need someone, for October. She asked me to think it over and think I did. Okay, I can do something for Halloween. Read a Halloween story, make cool cupcakes. Easy. Miss B will be happy, her teacher will not have to wait until November for a parent to show up and I'll be comfortable with this group of kids early in the year. Good plan.

The next day as I'm picking up Miss B I tell her teacher I'm in. She was thrilled. Thrilled. So was I until this sentence fell out of her mouth:

Great! We are studying bugs and that is the last full day before our Bug Hunt field trip so if you can do something on bugs it would be great!

Oh. Kay. Bugs. Bugs?! I have three girls and for the most part we are in agreement, bugs are for "smelly boys" (a phrase coined early on by Miss B). I walked away from the school thinking, "Oh crap!! Bugs!! Yuck! I can't..." Knowing all the while that I have to pull this off because I can not let Miss B or her teacher down. The snack is easy. Dirt cups. Pudding cups with crushed Oreos and a gummy worm on top. As for the activity or story, I'm still at a loss. Google, Barnes and Noble and Borders all will be my best pals until I figure it out and boy do I need to figure it out soon! I have five days to put something together to throw down the first grade parental gauntlet. More importantly, I need to help make 20 six year old kids glad that they came to school that day.

I'm studying my "Bug-ology" as Miss B calls it, reminding myself that help is doing what is requested, not just doing what you THINK is a good idea!

DNA

2009-08-23T06:07:00.000-07:00

Awesomely Bad Tunes

2009-08-23T05:40:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago Kiki called me & said that she & our other sister were making each other CD's full of the worst songs ever as a joke. She needed suggestions & then asked what's on my ipod! To her most of my 80's stuff would be awesomely bad. Any hairband would be awesomely bad too. This morning while running I was flipping thru shuffle & realized just how many TRULY awful songs I own that NO ONE should admit to liking a single beat of let alone actually downloading & syncing. Here's some of my very worst.

I'll be brave...

Ring My Bell- you know that disco song from the 70's by the chick that can't sing?

Dance Hall Days by wang Chung. Why do I have this, I hate it!

Easy Lover by Phil Collins & Phillip Bailey. You know, back when Phil Collins looked like a greasy little rodent before he married the younger chick that helped him find soap, a stylist & a good haircut?

He Said, She Said by Ashley Tisdale. I like the chorus too much. Not enough to justify the three versions of it that I own though.

Hey Nineteen by Steeley Dan because it reminds me of the Solid Gold Dancers.

Come Clean by Hilary Duff. I think I saw the video so many times on the Disney Channel a few years ago that they actually convinced me that it was a real song.

I Hate U by Prince- the extended extra dirty mix.

I Wanna Be Bad by Willa Ford who dated the Backstreet Boy that beat Paris Hilton's face in. Yeah, her.

Michael McDonald's Ya Mo Be There because, well, I'm not sure.

We Don't Need Another Hero by Tina Turner. I'm not sure where this came from.

Then there's the batch of 80's girl groups that made club tunes. Expose, Sweet Sensation & The Cover Girls. I think I have every song ever made by all of them.

My sister would add Cutting Crews I Just Died In Your Arms Tonite to this list. I'll add that song, but the version by Jay-Z.

**Shudders**

Beowolf

2009-08-04T04:28:00.000-07:00

I hate admitting how much I love the new Beyonce song.

Friday

2009-08-03T07:17:00.001-07:00

my Internet will be fixed Friday they claim. Look for a long post then!

crashed

2009-07-24T05:24:00.000-07:00

my Internet has been down for a week so everything I do involves my phone and touchscreen. Let me just say that while I like the idea of a touchscreen I hate using it.

Will This Cure My Blueberry Coolatta Addiction?

2009-07-13T14:44:00.000-07:00

I've Come To Realize...

2009-07-12T11:26:00.001-07:00

I was tagged.

1. I've come to realize that my chest-size...
could always improve

2. I've come to realize that my job(s)...
are neverending

3. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...
the kids are always singing

4. I've come to realize that I need....
to believe in myself as much as I SAY I do

5. I've come to realize that I have lost...
my sympathy for assholes that just never seem to get themselves together

6. I've come to realize that I hate it when...
people are late

7. I've come to realize that if I'm drunk...
Vodka is usually involved

8. I've come to realize that money...
really cannot buy happiness

9. I've come to realize that certain people...
should focus more on there OWN lives and leave the rest of us ALONE

10. I've come to realize that I'll always ...
take care of those closest to me

11. I've come to realize that my sibling(s)...
are just fine

12. I've come to realize that my mom...
is batshit crazy most days

13. I've come to realize that my cell phone...
has been traded in for an iphone/itouch addiction

14. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...
I was pretty lucky

15. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...
I couldn't have felt safer

16. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking..
that I want peanut butter ice cream

17. I've come to realize that my dad...
is my dad

18. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...
it consumes me

19. I've come to realize that today...
is another good day with normal, happy kids & a few perks thrown in

20. I've come to realize that tonight...
I will curl up on the couch to watch tv and not be awake by the second commercial break

21. I've come to realize that tomorrow...
will be whatever its supposed to be

22. I've come to realize that I really want to...
be around happy people at all times

23. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is...
dont care

24. I've come to realize that life...
is what you make it

25. I've come to realize that this weekend...
is just about over

26. I've realized the best music to listen to when I am upset...
Lady GaGa

27. I've come to realize that my friends...
are my friends because they are great people

28. I've come to realize that this year...
has had many obstacles but they opened my eyes

29. I've come to realize that my ex...
has no control over me

30. I've come to realize that maybe I should...
pay more attention

31. I've come to realize that I love...
many parts of my current life

32. I've come to realize that I don't understand...
mean people

33. I've come to realize my past...
is the past

34. I've come to realize that parties...
are great

35. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified...
of nothing

36. I've come to realize that my life...
gets a bit better each day

Just Call Me Bella

2009-07-12T05:05:00.000-07:00

B is by far the most creative kid in my house. By creative I mean she is lost in her own little world. The other day she had two plastic white spoons & colored big blue dots on the backside of each. She held them up to her eyes and declared them her "new eyes". Ok, whatever I thought as she walked around holding the spoons to her eyes. A few minutes later she walks into the kitchen with the spoons attatched to her eyes and her hands are doing something else. Again I thought, ok...they must fit perfectly in her eye sockets... something...

A few minutes later the real eyeballs are back & she is asking for a towel. Why a towel? TO GET THE GLUE OFF. My crazy child took her GLUESTICK and used it to attatch the spoons to her eyes!! Her's me, "What do you mean you GLUED plastic spoons to your eyes!!??"

Another of those sentences you just never expect to speak.

She has also been obsessed with all things Twilight for the last 6 months at least. Even if she hadn't seen the movie she still would be obsessed. There are daily drawings & paper dolls cut out of Bella & Edward. We were talking about names the other night & she asked if I almost named her anything else. As luck would have it she almost was Bella. Oh the squeals of joy. It hadn't even clicked as I was saying it, it took a minute to think, "Oh, BELLA..."

After the shrieking stopped she got very serious because everything IS serious business when you're six. "Just call me Bella mom. From now on that's my name, Bella." I'm now actually calling her Bella because if I call her Bridget or her former favorite "Bri (Bree)" there is no response.

Give. If you Can.

2009-07-09T10:12:00.000-07:00

READ

As a friend stated the other day, its proof that evil exists in this world. This family needs help. They are also looking for a new place to stay as they no longer want to be inside the house where she was harmed.

I'm Like A Firecracker- I Make It Hot

2009-07-05T05:40:00.000-07:00

See those people up there?? They shimmied up to Nay Aug park, spread out blankets and waited with a few hundred other people for the fireworks to begin. They ignored the dudes selling overpriced cotton candy & REALLY avoided the crazy ass selling 4 DOLLAR glow sticks. (Kids were not happy with all the avoiding going on) After waiting for about 30 minutes one lonely cop on a put put motorcycle came driving thru. He told random people (by random I mean, NOT us or anyone near us) that the fireworks were cancelled for no apparent reason. So of course the 4 people that the cop told before speeding out of the park himself before the pissed off revolt started- those 4 people spread the word, fast.

The kids were not happy. I was not happy because while there were big fireworks popping overhead as we drove, no where publicized having them so it was guesswork as to where they were coming from.

Anyway, independence day. Quite the theme. This feels like the first one that I'm really FREE of all the extra BS. It was emphasised by the fact that my ex had a courtdate last week. His Gagnon hearing for probation violation. The original hearing was a month ago but they continued his sentencing because he decided to play crazy as opposed to actually being his crazy self. They did a mental evalustion and of course decided the histrionics from last month were a show. The judge told him she has no doubt he has serious mental problems but is still in control of them enough to try & manipulate the system. He played psychotic last month but his eval shows depression only. He is still knowing what to say when, not being honest and wanted a free mental health pass out but doesn't really want the help. 9 more months but it runs concurrent. His attorney was interesting. She campaigned for his RELEASE to his mothers home. From there probation, alcohol monitoring, etc. Oh and he owes 5 grand to domestics. He has to pay up before his release. His attorney wanted to erase that debt & have him do community service instead. Now I KNEW the judge was going to give him the max because the DA talked to her beforehand so I was at ease with what would come but the community service thing pissed me off so very badly. You owe money to care for your CHILDREN but lets foreget that & go clean trash off the side of a highway & call it even??!! What the fuck. How could that even be right?? His debt isn't to society but to his KIDS.

Ugh.

But. I knew I had grown accustomed to court & unphased by it. This time around I was BS-ing with the DA & his assistant, with MY advocate while in the courtroom waiting for the judge. Very at ease. I was sitting there thinking, yes, I can work here. Yes, I can do this. Easily. So that was a good thing. I want that job.

Today is my cookout. I should be cooking already because you guys know how I am. Macaroni, potato & pasta salads plus the grill stuff. Dessert? Ice Cream Cone Cupcakes, Apple Pie w/ ice cream & whatever else Pat is bringing. I see Vanilla Martini's in my near future.

Out. Of. My. Head.

2009-06-30T16:25:00.000-07:00

I hate when the past creeps in. When I realize my reaction to a current situation has nothing to do with the current situation & everything to do with my past experiences. When I look at someone that I believe to be trustworthy & more importantly, that I believe is in that moment telling me the truth- yet I still bite back the words, "Don't fucking lie to me.". Even though in the pit of my stomach I believe them. I hate how my past experience with having every word spoken add up to one ginromous decade long lie- I hate how I instantly try to figure out truth even though it is being handed to me. I'm STILL always reading between lines, looking for hidden meanings, piecing together nonsense and why? Likely for nothing. because it's what I know. It's how I functioned in a relationship for so long that now I need to remind myself to just kind of... be. Trust (somehow) that the moment is what it is & is exactly as it appears to be.

Run/Walk Help Please

2009-06-28T10:23:00.000-07:00

Thank you guys for the daily emails. I know commenting on here is still hit & miss. Not sure why that is.

I need a bit of help. Has anyone ever helped to organize a run/walk for any cause-charity-Non-profit? If so PLEASE let me know because I have questions! Any unecessary headbanging would be appreciated!

Where Is He??

2009-06-27T17:30:00.000-07:00

I can't find Coco Puff still. My heart hurts.

Annie Are You Ok

2009-06-27T12:15:00.000-07:00

The kids were watching one of the many stations showing Michael Jackson videos today. They kept asking if I liked the ones being shown & most weren't my favorites. Then Smooth Criminal came on & I sat down. "THIS one I love. THIS one won awards for the dancing in it." The kids loved it & halfway thru Bridget proclaims, "I think I might someday be as famous as him because I dance a lot too."

I can only hope sweet B. In the meantime, here's Smooth Criminal in its full form.

You Must Remember This

2009-06-27T05:13:00.000-07:00

Esacapees

2009-06-27T04:57:00.000-07:00

I woke a few hours ago to find that my two favorite cats are gone. Java & Coco, the father/son dynamic duo ripped apart padding used to fill an air conditioner gap & squeezed out my front window. I have looked & looked, called them, nothing. I'm not sure which one is dumber but I know neither has any typical cat instincts. I'm just hoping they magically reappear because if not the kids will be crushed.

Wonderland

2009-06-27T04:50:00.000-07:00

I love Alice in Wonderland & stumbled onto these new promos for the upcoming remake. Visually, the casting looks good. I just hope the rest of the movie lives up to MY expectations.

Conversations With B

2009-06-26T08:33:00.001-07:00

(Me reading a thing online about Michael Jackson. B walks over & sees his photo)

B: Who is he?

Me: Michael Jackson. He made a lot of really popular songs when I was a kid.

B: He's weird. Is he a girl?

Me: No he's a boy.

B: He's weird. Why is he on here?

Me: Because he died yesterday.

B: (Pause) Did he die because he's weird??

"Rhumba, Everybody Say Rhumba"

2009-06-26T03:01:00.000-07:00

RHUMBA BLISS

Icon.

2009-06-25T16:13:00.000-07:00

I know in recent years he was considered freakish, possibly a pedophile, an addict, many things. Before all of those possibilities were plastered all over news outlets, newspapers & tabloids Michael Jackson was considered musical genius. Anyone that grew up in the 80's directly links him to their childhood. He provided years worth of the soundtrack. Michael gave us tacky red jackets with a hundred ill placed zippers, one sparklie glove, sequin covered fedora's, videos that actually told stories & made you want to mimic the background dancers.

I remember coming into 7th grade the morning after the American Music Awards had aired. 1983. We sat in math class and spent the first 15 minutes marveling at his live persormance. Even Mrs. Sheridan was going on & on about him. It was the part of the show everyone wanted to see & it was the rare occassion where it actually lived up to the hype. I can't find that exact performance on You Tube but here is one of Billie Jean that is pretty close & also came in 1983.

What do I think of when I hear Michael Jackson?

Moonwalk.

I Covet...

2009-06-25T12:15:00.000-07:00

I have two topics dualing in my head today. I think I have to go with the one that is eating at me the most. I think I'm having a serious case of the green eyed monster popping up. Rarely ever happens, especially when it comes to material stuff. Lately has been different though. I'm in a neighborhood filled with nice houses, perfectly manicured lawns, gardens to envy. Backyards filled with pools, hot tubs & ponds. This little itty bitty part of me is just resentful. This is where I should be in life. I'm 38 years old & I should be on stable ground, working not just to pay bills but to really give the kids a great life materially. Had their father kept himself together then its exactly where WE would be. I don't regret the demise of my marriage but I regret not having the life that I could have had, if the marriage was good.I flip flop between plotting exactly how to build that life by myself. Plot the career path, figure out what juggling of which jobs equals the best financial bottom line. I calculate what I need to earn to have the house with the pond... And then god help me I get mad. I feel like a 23 year old single mother with no experience in anything. This is not where I'm supposed to be at 38. It's just not.

My struggle is CERTAINLY not unique here. The statistics are staggering. Every third mother is SINGLE.

One in Three is doing it on her own. Paying the bills. Raising the kids. Doing homework. Baths. Cooking dinner. School events. Teacher confrences. Playdates.

One in three mothers is doing double duty 24/7 while trying to figure out how to afford their own personal version heaven for themselves & their kids.

Secrets

2009-06-25T10:07:00.000-07:00

I never, ever mention my love for Danity Kane & if asked I'd never, ever admit it. I love Aubrey O'day- the blonde with the huge extensions.

Diggin' It

2009-06-25T05:19:00.000-07:00

Reunion of Sorts

2009-06-24T03:33:00.000-07:00

The other day it was the first dry day in ~~years~~ days so I figured I had better get my kids to the park. Love this neighborhood and the park is fantastic. They've renovated in recent years so the playground is huge and across the street is a softball league, basketball, tennis courts, plus room to play whatever else you like. I mentioned to a friend that I was going & she decided to go with her boys as well. H. & I have known each other since grade school. Since we were my kids age. That just is mind blowing to me. She reminded me the other day of her mom chaperoning us on our 5th grade field trip. I had completely forgotten. We are both Facebook diehards & have reunited with a bunch of people from school thru there. We both put out feelers the other day and by 1pm we had 2 other former best friends meeting up with us. Truly old home week. It was like there was no time lapse at all. Even more amazing as we sat for 3 hours catching up was the pile of kids between us.

Hush Hush Hush

2009-06-23T19:29:00.000-07:00

Pussycat Dolls on skates. What could be better?

Really Really Bothering Me

2009-06-23T14:56:00.001-07:00

I have this friend that I grew up with. I mean, we've known each other since kindergarten. He & his brothers used to play with me & my friends every single day when we were little. We grew up, apart, lives took different paths & recently reconnected. Facebook is magic like that. We have messaged a bit. Fun banter, a few serious topics. All the stuff that falls into the category of catching up. No big deal. Patrick left very late last night & I was awake so I jumped online. I went onto Facebook and an IM from this person popped up. That was a first. I did a doubletake at the name because I wasn't expecting it. I said hi & he asked why I was still up. I told him my BF had just left & his response, "Good, now I can come over!". The whole conversation was a clearcut attempt at getting laid. I kept looking for it to be a joke, a moment of him apologizing & explaining he was drunk in spite of the perfect typing. Nothing. He said he was lonely a million times & wants to meet me for...a drink. BEFORE HIS WIFE & FAMILY GET BACK IN TOWN.

Wife & many kids. The Brady Bunch has nothing on them.

I am disturbed. If you asked me to think fast of someone my age that really values family & doesn't fuck around on his wife, I'd have said him.

Seriously.

I kept thinking, not you too because if you're a dirtbag then I see little hope of anyone being faithful.

And I'll likely be working with him in some capacity this fall. So now its just nice and... akward.

I'm just disturbed by it. Is anyone capable of honesty? Anyone?

Done.

2009-06-23T06:53:00.000-07:00

What's done? All of my necessary paperwork for my court advocate training. I'm now waiting for my official start date which is "sometime" in August.

It's a job I need to have.

4 In The Morning

2009-06-22T05:22:00.001-07:00

I was sitting at dinner yesterday with Patrick when this song came on. I was lost in it for a few minutes. Loved it when it came out & somehow it disappeared from my ipod. I need to readd it.

Happy Father's Day, Katy.

2009-06-22T04:39:00.000-07:00

How was your Father's Day? A week or so ago my youngest daughter mentioned that Father's Day was coming but that we won't celebrate it "because we don't have a dad anymore". Needless to say I corrected that & reminded her that they DO have one, he is just unavailable now. I try very, very, VERY hard not to say bad stuff about him. I don't need to. They've already formed their own opinions anyway. When B made this comment she was cheery as can be, not actually AFFECTED by her words. I on the other hand felt bad, really bad. I want them to have a nice, normal, sane dad. They deserve that much even though it doesn't appear to be in the cards anytime soon.

And I'm not a wom,an in search of a surrogate dad for them either. Father Figure doesn't top my list of requirements for a current/future boyfriend. I firmly believe that they HAVE a dad. He sucks right now and may always, but HE is their dad. After that what they need is to be surrounded by good people. They need friends both male & female that they can trust. Good examples & safe people to turn to, talk to. That is my goal for them.

So I was a bit bummed yesterday morning but kind of shrugged it off fast. Then my phone started to ring. Severasl friends called or emailed yesterday to wish ME a Happy Father's Day. The first time I heard it I kind of stopped dead & realized, yeah I am dad. I don't ever think of it that way. I just know I'm in charge of everything. Sometimes thats a great thing, having the final say on everything regarding the kids. Other days I wish I still had someone to take over for me, break up the fights, make decisions.

Mother's Day is expected. Of course I'm acknowledged on that day. Father's Day yesterday felt almost more important. This one I've really had to earn & the fact that those close to me think I've stepped in and done a good job, that means more than most other things will. At least this year.

Some Girls Can't Hold Their Liquor

2009-06-21T03:02:00.000-07:00

Story time...

My sister befriended this girl awhile back, a Vegas transplant. "Ash" moved here to live with her internet boyfriend and about 2 days after arriving he dumped her. She spent the next few months living in his house, carless, bussing it to work while saving money for a plane ticket home.A mutual friend suggested that my sister Kiki take Ash out because she was in constantly. Well Kiki very quickly learned that Ash parties hard. I got a call at 1am recounting a night out that ended with Kiki heaving Ash's vomiting self up a flight of stairs to her non boyfriends apartment. I felt bad for her situation & suggested maybe she doesn't always drink so heavily, maybe its situational right now. I mean, she was at my house for a bar b q and was sober.

Fast forward to the night before she is supposed to leave, 4 of us planned on a night out. Ok 3 of us were going to dinner first without her, just in case she was drunk that early our meal wouldn't be ruined. The plan was to eat THEN pick her up & we did just that. We ended up at a bar in Moheghan Sun for our first stop. Ash had one mixed drink and a shot which promptly rendered her smashed. Granted their shots are equal to three shots in most other places but still...I had 3 (like 9) Lemon Drop shots and was absolutely fine.Ash was getting loud & obnoxious as we were waiting for our car. She was sitting looking disheveled too & she had Something About Mary hair which a complete stranger pointed out. One friend was leaving so Kiki & I alone were moving on to The Hardware Bar with Ash, knowing we were asking for trouble.

We get inside the bar, grab a round of drinks and find a spot. It's pretty much always standing room only especially if a good band is playing. On this particular night the band is M-80 (80's band) & the place is packed with a broad age group. College kids on one side of me, 40 somethings on the other. Kiki & I are settling in, happy to be there when Ash disappears. For 30 minutes. Gone. We figure she is passed out face down somewhere & sooner rather than later we'll have to literally find her & leave. But there she is just like that, reappears WAY drunker than before. Kicks off her shoes in the middle of the cigarette butt & dumped beer covered floor to dance. Grossest thing ever, I swear. At this point there's no sense suggesting she put the shoes back on, I watched her rub her foot against the side of her other leg to get something off of it. She knows its bad & is to drunk to care. I'm just glad we don't have to leave yet. At this point I say to my sister that it's all downhill from here.

I just had no idea how long that hill would be!

Ash disappears again & when the band takes a break we go & find her. She's in another room of the bar where a bunch of guys (of course) are playing pool. She is sitting by herself with a pile of empty bottles and one of those dudes was plying her with more. We sat and humored her for a few minutes before convincing her to come back to where the band was playing. This time three guys gravitated towards us so she was staying put. One was just weird but nice enough, another was the big tall teddy bear type that kept giving group hugs. The last one Ash set her sights on. After walking up & grinding on him she had his attention. As his friend said to me, "He just wants to get laid." No, really?? Ash proceeds to dump her beer all down the front of me and tries to lick it off.

We're all dancing and Ash tells Kiki she's going to the ladies room but NOT to follow her. After a half hour we do go looking and find her- being held by 3 bouncers who were just about to come & find "her friends". Drunk girl allegedly marched into the ladies room with her grinding partner & locked themselves in a stall. The ladies room is always packed so I'd say it took 2 minutes before the bathroom was cleared & bouncers took over.

So Ash was thrown out of the hardware bar. But she had no idea why. She kept saying she had been calling her father in Vegas. Then she thought since it was 2am they were personally escorting people out. That was her drunk story. "Oh they must be closing & having everyone go, I didn't do anything, I didn't..."

Kiki & I were just like... shit man, shit.

Somehow we made it with her to the car & she didn't throw up at all. Kiki pulls up in front of Ash's house, Ash opens the door & goes to walk but can't get her footing. It looked like someone pushed her across ice in high heels & she ran a good 20 feet before eating the pavement. I was laughing too hard to be of any help. (It was the sound of the shoes- KLOP-KLOP-KLOP-KLOP-KLOP) Kiki gets out of the car & tries to catch her, failing. I realize after a minute I see neither of them so obviously Kiki needs help. I get out of the car and walk. There's a car behind us and behind that car is a HUGE mud puddle that spand probably 2 car lengths. Ash is IN it and can't get up. She landed face down & Kiki is trying to get her onto her feet. Together we managed to get her up onto her feet, up the stairs, into the house as fast as humanly possible.

I think when you land face down in a puddle that maybe should be the point where you realize drinking is BAD. Really, really BAD. Ash threatened to visit again soon. Hopefully she'll miss that flight!

Change is...Change

2009-06-20T09:12:00.000-07:00

A few years ago Evanescence busted onto the music scene. Remember the song Bring Me To Life off the Daredevil soundtrack?? Anyway, it was fronted by Amy Lee, probably the best vocalist in recent years.

Going Under was one of those songs that I had no less than 5 versions of.

Well, Amy left the band & they wisely made some changes. Evanescence just is not Evanescence without her voice. They have now changed their name to The Fallen and are being fronted by former American Idol contestant, Carly Smithson.

I loved the original line up. I also love Smithson's voice so I am anxious to hear them. The Fallen's first single drops on Monday & their new website will be launched HERE. I hope they are as unique & amazing as the original was.

Music, Katy Style

2009-06-20T07:06:00.000-07:00

DJ JustCallMeKaty

Higher Ground

2009-06-19T07:11:00.001-07:00

Something I Never Thought I'd See

2009-06-18T14:24:00.000-07:00

My 7 year olds teacher added me as a friend on Facebook. Emmy took over the message when I left it open by accident. She wanted to send Mrs. Butka a note. This is what I have seen today:

Today at 6:42am
Emily is a sweet, funny girl and I am glad she was in my class. Hope her health stays steady over the summer. Tell her to make sure she visits me next year!

Today at 11:12am
dear mrs. butka thank you for helping me and do we need to wear school close tomorrow
love emily

Today at 2:17pm
Hi Emmy! I'm going to say no uniforms since we're only there for 20 minutes - they can't really send you home :) See you Friday

Today at 5:19pm
i'm glad you were my teacher. love emily

Dying for More Info on This

2009-06-18T04:09:00.000-07:00

Lackawanna County Prison escape attempt thwarted; inmates tried bashing through wall
By Charles Schillinger (Staff Writer)
Published: June 16, 2009

e-mail this share this
In an alleged attempt at a prison escape straight out of the movies, two Lackawanna County Prison inmates tried to break through their cell wall to freedom, county officials said.

A correctional officer thwarted the attempt Thursday evening, said county spokeswoman Lynne Shedlock.

The officer was performing a sweep of cells in the Echo block of the prison in Scranton in response to an allegation of smoking and saw caulking missing around the cell window, Mrs. Shedlock said.

"Indications are inmates used a piece of their bunk to bash through the cell (cinder) block underneath the window," she said.

Because the incident remains under investigation, county officials declined to identify the inmates or comment further. Mrs. Shedlock said the inmates were in jail on county parole violations, bench warrants and, between the two, charges of terroristic threats, burglary and receiving stolen property.

Mrs. Shedlock said the matter, which is being viewed as an escape attempt, has been referred to the district attorney's office, and charges are pending.

Oh, Yeah.

2009-06-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

I have been dying for the school year to end. It seems like they have dragged it out an extra week & by last years calender, they really have. Last week was final field trips, field day & graduations so why do they still have school this week?

Today was finally the last full day with Friday morning being the 20 minute run in for report cards. I go to get B at 11am for her normal kindergarten pick up. It IS her last day. Report card is in her bag, she is done. I immediately think, YAY! Then I look at Mrs. Kreiger who is absolutely clinging to her class one by one. I look at the batch of kids who are hugging her, walking a few steps away only to return to hug her more. I was unsure of her as a teacher at first. I quickly realized that she is excellent, maybe a bit shy with adults but these kids love her. Somewhere in the last few months I have come to really respect what she has accomplished this year. Having another daughter in first grade this year I'm well aware of how they are just suddenly thrown into REAL school. Em was not ready. No one in her class was. The first month of first grade was tough. Weekly quizzes & tests, a dumptruck load of homework nightly, reading expectations. They all were struggling. This time, B is ready. Mrs. Kreiger has them beyond prepared. They already have taken a few practice tests. They already are writing sentences & math has really been pushed. She has already read her first book outloud to her class all by herself. She is ready for that first week of first grade, already. I thanked Mrs. Kreiger up and down this morning & she looked stunned. She was floored that anyone realized just how much she has done with them & how untrack these little ones are. Most of the kids in B's class have younger brothers & sisters so most of the other parents haven't a clue what September will bring. I felt bad that more weren't aware for Mrs. Kreigers sake.

We walked away this morning & it clicked. I'm done. No more half day school. No more morning pick ups. No more kindergarten for me. My babies aren't babies at all. No even the last one.

Free Flowing Random Thoughts

2009-06-15T07:42:00.000-07:00

I have to pick up my 6 year old from one of her very last days of half day kindergarten in 15 minutes.

I have a migraine.

The bright sun will not help this.

I am now scheduled to see the surgeon in 2ish weeks.

I feel better knowing that I might have not one but 2 surgeries in July rather than just having question marks & uncertainty.

I baked 50 cupcakes last night for first grade. This after baking cupcakes for Em's birthday Saturday and baking cupcakes for B's school birthday last week.

Oh & there were more cupcakes for the Butterfly Festival last week.

I'm craving blueberry muffins.

Dating a powerlifter has major benefits.

I watched Pat heave my BIG air conditioner up a flight of stairs & toss it into my living room window like it was a paperweight last night.

Hot. Way hot.

Note to self: REMEMBER the kids want a trampoline for the backyard. BUY ONE.

Wet flip flops are just nasty.

Might be a good night for grilling.

I think So You Think You Can Dance looks VERY promising this season. Thank god.

Free Visa's with no limit & no payment should be a mandatory government gift to every US citizen on their 40th birthday.

Maybe I should lower that age to 38 so that I could benefit now.

I am slightly obsessed with Lady Gaga

She's right up there with Kylie.

It's weird when your 7 year olds teacher requests you as a friend on Facebook.

Buit kind of nice.

I need a girls night out. Maybe this weekend? Hardware Bar??

Can we please make all things Miley Cyrus just disappear?

Sweetness.

2009-06-14T04:46:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday little one.

Gluegun + Feathers = ...

2009-06-11T08:02:00.003-07:00

Bridget's kindergarten graduation was a Rainforest Play. Miss B got to be a Macaw :)

Ranting Details

2009-06-11T03:57:00.001-07:00

Yes I still have a pulse. It's just that most every beat of that pulse has been busy lately. Didja watch So You Think You Can Dance last night? Ranting Details does a bang up job of live blogging it, lots of humor included.

8:01- Wow. Cat Deeley does not disappoint with the first outfit of the season. She is wearing a beige mini dress with gold sparkley spider webbing. She kind of reminds me of a carousel horse. And I love her even more for that.

8:02- First dancer introduction of the season. Brandon does not disappoint (after being told how disappointing he was throughout Vegas) when he does a multiple axel turn that lands, balls-to-the-floor in the splits before he retracts up using nothing but his inner thighs. The bad news? He might not be able to have babies. The good news? He certainly has a career tea bagging people in John Waters’s next film should this whole TV thing fall through. (Too far too soon?)

8:03- It becomes clear that we haven’t seen pretty much half of these dancers do anything. I hate the producers just a little bit right now.

8:04-Why is it that Nigel suddenly reminds me of Shelly Long for a split second when he does that salute ala Troop Beverly Hills. Probably the hair. Yep, it’s the hair.

8:05- Mary gets things off to a rollicking start when she proves how nervous she is by grabbing the arms of Lythgoe and Shankman and feigning electric shock. It would be way more entertaining if she was wearing Ariel’s costume from The Little Mermaid. Or actually being electrocuted. Or both. (Perhaps the producers have her hooked up to something like my neighbors had with their dog? You know that electric choker thing. Every time they want her to do something crazy…zap!)

8:06- Cat Deeley: “Adam you’ve been so busy on tour with us, what else have you been doing?” Shankman: “Oh, you know, making an ass out of myself by tweeting every possible emotion surrounding my recent breakup and then getting into tweet battles with people who tell me my movies suck.”

8:08- I kind of wish Cat had different hands. Just think how much more special she would be if she had giant, four-fingered yellow hands like a Simpsons character. (A Fox tie-in, too!) Not that she needs to improve upon anything; she’s a delight.

8:09-They pan across the whole Top 20 and all of their faces look simultaneously new and creepy; I half expect to see a Chucky doll strategically placed in the pack. It could probably pass as Mary’s child.

8:11-Jeanine and Phillip are the first couple of the evening! They are paired with Be(atrix) and Ge(ronimo) (who happen to be wearing clothes decked out with what looks like Neon Elmer’s glue from 1993) for their routine! (Sidenote: did Geronimo have that beauty mark last season? Or is he just dressed as Cindy Crawford for the big night?)

Keep Reading...

Mother Nature Is A Crackhead

2009-06-01T03:38:00.000-07:00

When the temperatures will vary by FORTY degrees over the course of one day, something is very wrong.

New Moon Is Coming!

2009-06-01T03:22:00.000-07:00

The trailer is HERE.

I Dealt With Comcast Last Week for A Few Consecutive Days

2009-05-31T13:47:00.000-07:00

Lemon Drop shots were mandatory after doing so.

*** My sister has pointed out on several occassions that those shot glasses are really like 3 shots all in one. If that's true then I had 9 Lemon Drop shots and remained sober in spite of it.

Insomnia??

2009-05-26T21:02:00.000-07:00

This site will make it almost worthwhile to stay awake.

Texts From Last Night

You'll Think I'm Joking- And You Would Be Wrong!

2009-05-24T03:06:00.000-07:00

I know this guy, he's a mutual friend of a friend. Kind of. He rarely gets to talk to me and I happen to like it that way. Anyway, he lives alone in a house he inherited, has money socked away in the bank, no kids (there will never be kids I'm sure), no responsibilities. Of course he is one of the most depressive people you'll ever meet because he thinks his life is terrible yet takes no steps to change any of it.

He's tight with his money. It's a known fact, he jokes about it himself. One day he mentioned having dinner at a soup kitchen. Why? Because he didn't feel like spending money on dinner!

What are your thoughts on that?? I'll post mine later on.

Dragged Right Back

2009-05-23T04:07:00.000-07:00

I got a call Thursday afternoon regarding my ex. His Gagnon Hearing (Probation Violation) was this week and because he had previously been convicted, not admitted guilt but was found guilty of a few other crimes, he was automatically in contempt. If you are guilty of any crime while on probation you are automatically found guilty and recieve a minimum of 6 months for violating probation. Because he was found guilty on 4 different counts and has more shit pending they were going to give him 12 months. I'm doing math on my fingers. He is in for 18 months now, add 12 more and he has 3 felony charges that carry 3-5 years plus a perjury charge that the DA is pushing with a vengence.

Okay.

Part of me can't even believe that THIS is the disaster I spent a chunk of my adult life. I know he is a criminal. I know she is unbelievable at spinning stories. I know the DA was floored by him and refers to him as "slick". He is one of those people that will argue the sky is green and while you absolutely know its blue you still catch yourself looking up, just to be sure. So I was scammed for years. He belongs exactly where he is.

I'm extremely grateful that he was not under my roof when everything caught up with him.

Anyway, on Thursday I was told there was a hearing...he would be sentenced on Friday. I didn't need to be there it's a slam dunk situation. You're guilty of A & B you are guilty of C. Plus he was being sentenced by the same judge he always gets. He has worn out his welcome in her courtroom. She has made phone calls while he is on the stand to prove he is a liar. I once sat there for 90 minutes before she finally lost it on him. Sheriffs were laughing thru the entire hearing because of his arrogance. The judge told him to answer yes or no & he started yelling that he was going to answer her questions the way that he wanted to. Unreal. Telling me I'm not needed is a gift. We've only met in court over the last year & the last actual conversation was last summer so obviously there is no love lost.

I was waiting for an update yesterday and finally got one.

He flipped out in court. Not the typical anger but he was a headcase. Incoherent, babbling, nonsensical. They deemed him a "threat to the court" and postponed sentencing pending a mental evaluation.

Is he nuts? Yes. Is there a mental problem? Hell yes. He tried for years to try & drink & eventually coke the demons away. Could not having his vices plus being locked up finally be breaking him down? Absolutely.

Or is he playing them? He's looking at a lot of time & if convicted of felonies he goes to State Prison which is supposedly much worse. Could he be playing this angle to try & get out of things? Hell yes. He may see it as his last hope. He wouldn't be released but...

So I should have been there yesterday. I am needed at the next hearing because I know him. I know his real crazy- I'm off to fight Al Qaeda in my Mazzarrati crazy vs. ok motherfucker, you want crazy, I'll SHOW you crazy BS.

I've just felt gut level sick. I feel bad that he has never been able to get himself together. If he is actually cracking then I agree he needs help. His behavior hasn't been sane in the last two years so obviously...something is very wrong. The fact that until now no one ever ordered an evaluation, anger management, rehab NOTHING has been mindblowing to me. Lock him up yes, but if you don't help the issues he will walk out the door just as fucked up and a whole lot smarter.

Yesterday it was suggested that if its another game, he is hoping to gain my sympathy. I feel bad that it is this bad but I'm real low on the sympathy thing. He had a great life right in front of him. He had a job he loved, a family that was devoted, money in the bank. He squandered every bit of everything and really believed he'd lose nothing.

The Olympics Are Coming!

2009-05-23T03:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, so maybe not for another 10 months. However, elite skaters have all dragged their asses back into training in the past week. This past season left me indifferent at best but knowing that they are excited to train might make me really want to watch again. Ice Dancers' Tanith Belbin & Ben Agosto have been favorites for a long time and NBC included them in recent Olympic Promo shots.

Yes, NBC is already promoting the 2010 Olympics!

Go B&A!

Truly Random

2009-05-22T03:17:00.000-07:00

Hi there. I love coffee. I hate beans. I am better at arguing than you. You are better at cleaning out the fridge than me. I think LL Cool J videos are the perverbial bomb. I sing, badly. I am a sarcastic fuck. Fat girls asses in bikinis look like a hundred pounds of chewed bubble gum. I'd rather try to get smoke inside of a glass bottle using a baseball bat than listen to someone complain. I wish I was a pole dancer just so I could say "I'm a stripper" when asked what I do for a living, then step back and watch the inevitable bad reaction. I believe in treating people how you want to be treated. I am a sucker for reality tv. Going to church doesn't make you any more a Christian than going to the garage makes you a car. I am busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. Materialistic people crack me up, because they actually think they are happy. Thinking that we are the only ones in the universe makes you nuttier than a squirrel terd. American Psycho and Silence of the Lambs should be in the comedy section of Blockbuster right next to Starship Troopers & all The Mummy movies. . Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Pop Up Video should NOT have been canceled. Saying "thank you" and "please" is extremely important. I pretty much live for music and humor. Those dating phone service commercials on late at night always feature fugly chicks from 1987. If you let your friends drive drunk, you have no soul. I think shit-talking on the internet is about as useful as trying to kill an elephant by throwing a tic tac at it. I love people watching at bars. People look funny when they're mad. I WILL beat you at your own game. The fact that Bill Paxton was killed by an Alien, the Predator, AND the Terminator should AUTOMATICALLY qualify him for an academy award. Holidays are over-rated. Dave Chappelle is a viable GENIUS. I love the beach. I'd like to watch Gary Busey and Rosie O'donnell grind each other on a dance floor to a Billy Ocean tribute band. I love Vanilla everything. Laughter can cure more than you think. Fast food is so bad for you, but sooooo good. Spell check is one of the best inventions next to the wheel. . Paul Walker is about as good of an actor as Keanu Reeves. I wish I could use the Jedi mind trick on people. The "25 year old balding/comb over jacuzzi mcdougal", and the "Drunk white girl who can't dance" are the best people to stare at while at a club. Money doesn't impress me. When I say I'm home alone I usually mean that it's just me...with the 3 kids, cats and maybe a hermit crab. Jason Stratham is always worth saving to my hard drive.

See?

Slow Burn

2009-05-22T03:13:00.000-07:00

Protocol = Ridiculousness

2009-05-21T09:42:00.000-07:00

This working for the government thing is really...something. I get the perks of the job. Even better, I really like the job. It's actually become a fast favorite already.

But, the red tape is about exactly what you'd expect of anything government related. Training KILLED brain cells because every bit of info had to be read verbatim from the manuals, then reread. Then after you were over it you'd skip to another book & get it all over again. Sometimes over-prepping backfires. At the very least people get bored and mentally exhausted. That's why government employes always look like they are truding along. It's not the job, it's the bullshit attatched.

I have this nifty hand held computer. It has been drilled into my head- Don't lose it. Don't drop it. If you get hit by a car shield it. If you get shot bleed out, just save the hand held.

So mine isn't transmitting properly. I suspect this happens a lot. Can I go into the office to switch equipment? I'll only be in and out of there today and then back again for testing at 6pm. Can I do that?

No.

My crew leader actually has to do a switch in person herself, AT MY HOUSE. This is the protocol. Then comes a mountain of paperwork connected to swamping computers & making sure that I've been ID'd properly. If I just brought everything into the office no one else could help & if they tried we would all have been reprimanded.

Ever...

2009-05-21T03:27:00.000-07:00

...Just absolutely need to have a conversation with someone so much that nothing will be right in the world until it happens??

Permanent

2009-05-20T17:52:00.001-07:00

Love this.

I'm A Magnet, for Dee Dee Dee's

2009-05-20T12:21:00.000-07:00

And if you know me, you already are well aware of this.

I live in a city of about 70,000 people. Decent size. Drive 30 minutes & you're looking at Pocono mountains & cows but right here, there are probably 10 Starbucks within 30 minutes of driving in any direction. Once in awhile, if I have to take a bus, I don't really mind. I'm actually VERY amused by the people out in the morning. as in most cities the bus has a main stopping area smack in the middle of the downtown portion of our city. In the morning it's fine. The familiar people are really nice, and it's all just very...chill. Once in awhile I'll call my sister with my head spinning but usually I'm calling her in amusement. Afternoons are a whole other story. I HATE being in that same area after say, 2pm & rarely will you see me there. Like once every 6 months. Okay every 3 months. The last time I was there was when B was practising for prek graduation & that was last year.

Today I had to go to a Western Union agent & the closest one is right off the bus stop literally, I walked 7 steps to get in the door. I got into town 3kids in tow at 2:45 & figured...maybe it won't be so bad.

Maybe.

I treated the girls to ice cream in the candy store located in the mall across the street & we were coming home at like 3:30pm.

After the batch of Ebonics slanging kids left- no wait because truly they weren't kids (or black for that matter) but more like in their 20's - got onto a bus to head to a housing project I thought, okay...it doesn't look so bad.

Then SHE appeared. The lady was probably younger than my 38 years & looked like the bus driver lady from South Park. She had two kids with her, the youngest was 5.5 & she was pushing a stroller of groceries.

Hold up, the youngest kid was 5.5 & she was pushing a stroller.

Yeah. Her daughter might have been Maya's age. I'd say Maya looks older but then Maya does not look 8 but more like 10. The kid had eyes full of make up. Not Emmy & B play omfg look at all that blue shit clumping off their eyelids kind of makeup, but neutrals schalacked on in layers. I saw it & thought, "That'll be the day..."

I have to tell you, I've perfected my watching every single thing going on around me but looking totally oblivious stance. Blissfully unaware, but not really. Always ready to spring into action.

The lady was yelling at her little boy. I don't know what he did but she was going off as they stopped to wait beside me. The boy walks right up and asks me if I'm waiting for his bus. Damn. So much for my unaware act. He was standing at my feet babbling away about how his dad was going to "dead his mom just like grandma got deaded". Mom tried to change the subject & told me about him just getting kindergarten shots today as he kept interrupting telling her that if she deaded him then dad would dead her. She ignores the kids comments & informs me that she's pretty sure he "is ADD" and then points at her daughter and says, "that fucking bitch over there is giving me a horrible time today."

I was like, WTF?? By this time the boy was pitching Comcast Digital Cable to me. Really. Verbatim.

Comcast Digital Cable features channels...HBO Family Network...movies playing this month include....

**Sidepoint- We all KNOW how much I LOVE Comcast**

Somewhere in the midst of this I heard about the whole "grandma being deaded" situation. She was "crossing Main Street in her Jazzy Chair last December when that car hit her and killed her...no charges were filed so we're going after the driver and his family..."

I'm not sure when my bus came. I'm pretty sure I never even said goodbye to this chick or the future Comcast Customer Service Rep with ADD, maybe.

But My Thoughts You Can't Decode

2009-05-19T22:08:00.000-07:00

Clippy goodness brought to you by Paramore.

Thank You...

2009-05-19T20:33:00.000-07:00

...for flooding my inbox since the last post. (Comments are not working here for me at least, I'll figure it out soon...) I'm grateful to every single one of you that offered support or shared your own story with me. I'm always saying that we need to look beyond what is in front of our own face to see what others may need. You guys have done that so, thank you.

Thank you Michael for shoving me off the fence.

So When Am I Going To Post A "Real" One?

2009-05-19T14:43:00.000-07:00

I've heard that question asked a few times in the last few weeks. Usually before that comes...You used to put everything out there in black & white...You used to say what everyone else things...I used to connect with your words...

I'm moving my own mental roadblocks here. Yes, I USED to do all of those things with great ease. The problem? I've had to shut myself down for months. Had to. I couldn't put myself, the real me ANYWHERE. My ex was tracking my every word, looking for every insight into my thinking & grasping at whatever nuggets he could find. Stalking. Watching. Stalking a little more. Watching anything I wrote both professionally & personally. Watching me quite literally thru windows while standing in my backyard. Following every move that he could. So I cut him off and in doing so, I had to cut myself off as well. I couldn't ramble on about day to day bullshit. I couldn't tell you where I was going, what I had done or where I might be. I couldn't interact here that's for sure. I became keenly aware that the more info I divuldged the more I put friends at risk for his nuttiness. He was latching on to anyone at all in contact with me.

So I kind of disappeared. He is now locked away tight and won't be walking free anytime soon. I still feel as though I've disappeared. I'm trying to figure out how to revive myself. How do you return from self imposed non-existence? Especially when you realize while taking your first free breaths that you had NO fucking idea how much you've HAD to hold back. You've had no idea how on alert you've been until you realize that you CAN sleep without your cell in your hand because he will NOT be busting in a window on this night or any other one. You can sleep in your bed upstairs rather than on the couch near the front door. You can let your kids run freely in the yard without worrying (more than the normal mother) that they'll be snatched away by a vindictive idiot whose personal mission is to get even.

With me.

Because it is quite simply, over.

How do you return to the land of the living when you had no idea that you'd even left?

I had no idea that the bottom of the rabbit hole was this far down. But I'm trying to find the top. Maybe just putting it all out here right now, refusing to reread it, refusing to edit or spellcheck will move the huge boulder that has been in my way.

I have so much more to say than I did before. I understand things so much better than I did before. I get it now, really, truly- get it.

What's important. What's a useless, irrelevant pile of crap. I get it. People are everything. Good friends are precious. Emotional connections are the next best thing to god.

And yes, now I WILL be back daily.

Spongebob Is A Factor In Everyday Situations

2009-05-02T04:44:00.000-07:00

B & I were having a conversation yesterday while walking down the street. We went to cross at an intersection & I reminded her to be careful. She mentioned that we don't want to be "crushed" by a car. I think it's kind of ingenius that while the rest of us avoid being "hit" by cars my 5 year old actually grasps the weight of a car and sees it as something that can crush us. Anyway, the question of the day from my baby that is so not a baby:

"If a car crushes us does that mean we'll be flat?

Me: "Flat??"

Bridget- "You know, will it make us flat like Spongebob??"

Good to know we haven't gone cold turkey on the kid stuff. One cartton character still exists in my house.

Oh, Well That's Just Not Ever Gonna Happen

2009-05-02T03:36:00.000-07:00

Ledge at the Sears Tower in Chicago

See that up there? That's an inch & a half of glass that keeps those clowns from plummeting 1,353 feet to the sidewalk below. I freely admit to being a sissy bitch about heights & there is no way you'd get me to put one toe onto that glass.

My Life According to SHE WANTS REVENGE

2009-05-01T20:33:00.000-07:00

Pick an artist, and using ONLY SONG TITLES from only that artist, cleverly (preferably) answer these questions. This is harder than it seems! ADDITIONAL RULE: You cannot use the same artist I did, or duplicate song titles even if they were performed by another artist.

1. Are you a male or female?
Rachael

2. Describe yourself.
Black Liner Run

3. How do you feel about yourself?
Stripped

4. Describe your EX boyfriend/girlfriend.
Tear You Apart

5. Describe your CURRENT boy/girl situation.
he Loves Me he Loves Me Not

6. Describe your current location.
Killing Time

7. Describe where you want to be.
Out Of Control

8. Your best friend?
Sister

9. Your favorite color is?
Written In Blood

10. You know that:
Someone Must Get Hurt

11. What's the weather like:
What I Want

12. If your life was a television show what would it be called?
Pretend The World Has Ended

13. What is life to you?
Red Flags And Long Nights

14. What is the best advice you have to give?
Red Flags And Long Nights

15. If you could change your name what would it be?
Monologue

Wow.

2009-04-30T10:27:00.000-07:00

The $200,000 white wedding for the 16-year-old girl who lives in a trailer.

What Daddy ' s little girl wants, Daddy ' s little girl gets.
So when Missy Quinn insisted on a big white wedding with her boyfriend, her father said YES. It didn ' t matter that she was only 16 and the groom 17.

Daddy also said yes to a $32,000 wedding dress (which looked suspiciously like a crop top and skirt) and yes to 150 guests at the reception. Then there were the cars, the hotels, the tiara and the $10000 bouquet!

Check out the belly-ring ... it matches her earrings! So sophisticated.
In the end, making Missy ' s wedding dreams come true cost her father - who lives in a trailer and surfaces driveways for a living - a whopping $200,000! But as his princess, who hasn ' t been in a classroom since she was nine and wants to be a glamour model (good luck), posed for photographs, her father Simon, 35, declared it was worth every penny. ' I ' m very proud of her today, ' he said.

Missy was just happy to be the undisputed centre of attention.
Her dress, studded with Swarovski crystals, and with a 10 ft. wide train, was so heavy that it took ten guests to help her struggle out of the Rolls-Royce Phantom that brought her to the church.

Missy with groom Thomas Moghon, 17, her mother Theresa (who, it seems, forgot to wear a top ...) and father Simon.

' It was huge. I wanted to outdo everyone else ' s wedding dress, ' she said. ' It was extremely heavy and just standing in the church was really difficult. But despite all that, I felt just like Cinderella. '

The bill was around five times the cost of the average wedding.

Missy said: ' It cost a fortune, but I ' ve always wanted a big wedding and my dad has been saving for ages to pay for it. '

Missy met Thomas at Alton Towers Theme park when she was 13. They continued to date despite her traveller family leaving their trailer park in Stoke-on-Trent every summer to tour the UK while Thomas lived with his parents in Wolverhampton .
Missy said: ' I just knew he was The One from the beginning. He ' s perfect. '

Her mother Theresa, 33, who married Missy ' s father at 16, said: ' I was surprised they wanted to get married so young in this day and age. But we could see they were madly in love. '

The couple married six days after Missy turned 16 at St Mary ' s Catholic Church in Congleton-Cheshire.

The bride carried a chrystal bouquet that cost $100000! No fresh flowers for her.

After the ceremony, guests in feathers and crystals enjoyed champagne and an all-day buffet at the reception. Girls as young as nine showed off bikini tops, high heels and make-up. It was a classy affair.
Guest Victoria Docherty, 23, who wore a £700 hotpants and bra outfit, said: ' This isn ' t unusual - it ' s just what we do at weddings. It ' s all very extravagant. Everything is paid for by the bride ' s daddy. '

Missy and Thomas honeymooned in Turkey before moving into their own $36,000 trailer - a wedding gift from her parents.

Black Wedding

2009-04-27T18:44:00.000-07:00

Never heard of Meg & Dia before a few days ago. I stumbled onto the video & loved it. They kind of remind me of The Veronica's.

Not The Typical Chicken Wing Story

2009-04-27T10:56:00.000-07:00

There's a little story that ran locally last week that is still making me laugh.

Naked woman assaults firefighter, starts blaze while heating chicken wings, police say

BY DAVE SINGLETON STAFF WRITER

Published: Monday, April 20, 2009 Updated: Monday, April 20, 2009 5:24 PM EDT
SCRANTON — A city woman faces aggravated and simple assault charges for fighting with a firefighter who tried to get her to leave an apartment building where a fire had been reported, police said.Firefighter John Judge was attempting to clear people out of a smoky, second-floor apartment at 1540 Wyoming Ave. on Saturday about 10:30 p.m. when he was confronted by a naked Amanda Masker, 27, police said.When Mr. Judge told her to get clothes and get out, Ms. Masker cursed at him, pushed him and then struck him in the chest with her fists, police said. Mr. Judge escorted the struggling woman downstairs, where she was arrested by officers who were called to assist.According to police, the smoke was traced to the kitchen stove, where Ms. Masker had tried to heat up chicken wings but turned on the wrong burner.

The conversations that I have had with equally amused people about this. My first thought was that the woman was probably a million pounds because NO firefighter would be lucky enough to walk in on a naked model type. That's wished for but probably not too realistic right? Then I said to a friend who works in close proximity to the firefighter that I felt bad for the guy. He responded that it was all about perspective, leading me to think it may have been a GOOD night for those lucky (?) guys on duty.

Now let's get to the real issue. Who the hell cooks hot wings naked?? I mean really. Right after I dump oil into a pan & turn on the heat, my next thought is that I should drop my clothes.

?

Huh?

Where the hell do these people come from?

test

2009-04-24T16:32:00.000-07:00